Top 10 Reasons why Britney would make a great President

10. We could always count on Britney being up front on where the artillery’s stored.

9. Sure, it’d be the same tune as the last guy but at least she’s got some range.  

8. She’s kissed Madonna.

7. If there’s torture that needs doing, we can bet there’ll be a lot less complaining.

6. Anyone with their own perfume called Curious should have NO problem finding weapons of mass destruction. 

5. We can win the war on terror if we keep her dressed to kill. 

4. She’s kissed Madonna, who’s kissed Christine Aguilera.

3. If Britney got elected and Paris Hilton was the Vice-President, we’d never have to worry whether anyone was home at the White House.

2. She’s on record saying she’ll slave for us, let’s get her to work the sooner the better.

1. If we’re going to have boobs in the Oval Office, they might as well be real.

Britney Spears for President
by Joanna Borns

What makes a good president? The exact qualifications might be impossible to pinpoint, but I know of someone who would make the perfect commander in chief.

We need one true uniting force to bring us together. And that uniting force is international pop superstar Britney Spears.

She is as American as apple pie in a sparkly body suit.

Skeptics might say that Britney can't be president. And they're absolutely right. She's not old enough. Our constitution says the president must be at least 35. She'll have to wait for the election of 2016, but it's never too early to start campaigning.

Our nation has become as polarized as a water molecule. Britney is the only person who can bridge the gap. Nothing says "we are all Americans" quite like her 2003 single "Me Against the Music."

"All my people on the floor; Let me see you dance."

These are her lyrics. Miss Spears wants nothing more than for everyone to dance the dance of liberty on the giant dance floor of America.

This particular pop diddy also features the vocals of Madonna. Britney and Madonna epitomized teamwork when they kissed during a live performance of the song. If two pop divas can come together, why can't Republicans and Democrats do the same?

Britney's uniting force will spread beyond U.S. borders. She is the key to re-strengthening fast dissolving alliances.

These days the United States is not especially popular in world opinion. But you know who is globally popular? Britney Spears, of course.

Her latest album, a collection of greatest hits, has already gone platinum in all of Europe, not to mention Japan and Australia.

Britney will become the great mediator between the United States and the rest of the world. Her debut single "... Baby One More Time" is a ballad of mistakes made in foreign policy.

"Oh baby, baby; I shouldn't have let you go ... When I'm not with you I lose my mind ... Hit me baby one more time."

Britney is certainly not a doormat for world leaders to walk upon, but she wants to rectify broken bonds. Meetings of the United Nations do not have to end with pouting. Representatives from different countries can meet dressed as provocatively dressed Catholic school girls. Then they can really start to compromise.

Britney doesn't just care about mainstream issues. She would bring pressing concerns that don't get enough attention to the front burner.

For example, our country is rapidly running out of places to store radioactive waste but the government doesn't seem to be making the dilemma a top priority. Britney obviously cares deeply about this problem because she sings an entire song called "Toxic" about the dangers of nuclear waste.

If you want to know more about Britney's plans for the country, just listen to her music. "Bombastic Love" is a testament to fiscal responsibility, while "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" echoes her concern about national security.

She's obviously dedicated to serving the American people. One of her top singles is entitled "I'm a Slave 4 U."

If you're wondering how Britney will handle the ever increasing threat of terrorism, just look at her dance moves. With her flawlessly executed choreography, how could terrorists stand a chance? Britney Spears makes me feel safe.

She became the first female artist to have four number one albums in a row. You can't deny that she's a leader.

She also maintains a clear vision of the future. When she was a wee one singing at county fairs she knew she wanted to be a star and didn't stop until she became famous. If that's not an example of presidential caliber work ethic then knock me down and call me Suzie.

There exists only one pop sensation who can move this country forward. In 2016 say no to bipartisan bickering and yes to Britney Spears.

© 2000 Indiana Daily Student